after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
