By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
