I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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