OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
