Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
