Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
