dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
