Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
