Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
