this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
