i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You need a sexual gate keeper
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
