Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
