laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
