I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I smell stomach acid.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
