My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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