Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
