Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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