Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We are two peas in an std pod
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
