i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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