oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
