Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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