You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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