either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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