I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
