So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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