I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
