3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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