Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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