it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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