The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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