So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
