I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
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I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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