you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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