I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
