Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
