Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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