she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
being pregnant is like rehab
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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