We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
