I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
