Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
