All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
