So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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