my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
