i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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