he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
