Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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