Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
