I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
