o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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