i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
