My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
