Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
