This is not my ceiling
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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