It was confusing and full of hummus
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
