he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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