This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
