yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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