They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
