This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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