You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
