we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
