Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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