all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
