I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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