I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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