Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My breasts were aching with rage.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
