omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
