i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
