I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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