just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
