I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
