i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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