I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
